INDIA UPDATE

Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.

LEADING INDUSTRIALIST MISPLACES WIFE


Mumbai police temporarily suspended their search for loose women after leading industrialist Mukesh Ambani filed a missing persons report, seeking his wife, Nita. She is believed to be somewhere between the 13th and 17th floors of Antillia, their twenty-seven story, $2 billion home with the best slum-view in India.

“She had gone to get some crockery,” said a distraught Mr Ambani. “She recently bought 46,000 pieces from Noritaki, because they were offering a discount, so naturally it takes her some time to lay the table. I did not worry till Tuesday, but now I am really concerned. Since then, all six hundred of my servants have been searching everywhere. They have searched all three floors of hanging gardens, as well as the ballroom, the air traffic control centre, and the man-made snow flurries, but she is nowhere to be found.”

Three thousand police officers are now combing the building, along with members of the Mumbai Indians cricket team. They are hopeful of completing operations by September.

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45 comments on “LEADING INDUSTRIALIST MISPLACES WIFE

  1. Lago
    July 14, 2012

    Are you serious or are you just pulling my leg? Seriously?

    • shovonc
      July 15, 2012

      The details of the home are entirely accurate, but the lady hasn’t disappeared, I’m afraid. And yes, it’s surrounded by slums.

      • Rosanna
        August 10, 2012

        Good one…and the reply to the comment too :D

      • shovonc
        August 11, 2012

        India Update thanks you.

  2. DK
    July 17, 2012

    There are some people that shouldn’t have money.

  3. nevinpowers7
    July 30, 2012

    Satire at its best. You have a new follower :)

  4. Marina Sorciere
    August 5, 2012

    Yes, well sadly 46,000 pieces of Noritaki take some time to set at table.
    I’m laughing…

    • shovonc
      August 6, 2012

      Thanks. True fact. She flew to Sri Lanka to get them. I think there was a sale on.

      • zubin
        October 10, 2012

        Bhai mandvadi na karo toh marwadi kya na? humjya ke nai bhai?

  5. goddessofglitter
    August 7, 2012

    Tom Cruise has the same problem with his wives I hear.

  6. Sukumar
    August 10, 2012

    I believe she started off on the ground floor with the bunch of keys tied to her pallu — and has so far only managed to lock all the closets and cupboards between there and the second floor. There is a possibility that she will complete by about September, when Mumbai’s leading newspapers hope to have a page 3 story about her happy reunion with hubby dear … on the 27th floor..

    • shovonc
      August 11, 2012

      If India Update actually paid anything, it would offer you a job.

  7. Pramod Duggal
    August 10, 2012

    Must be a joke

    • shovonc
      August 11, 2012

      Thanks for reading. Are you sure?

  8. walkerjay
    August 11, 2012

    It’s a riot. Shared on facebook, where it’s been further shared and shared.
    And my friend Sukumar continues the report:

    QUOTE
    I believe she started off with the bunch of keys on the ground floor and has so far only managed to lock all the closets and cupboards between there and the second floor. There is a possibility that she will complete by about September, when Mumbai’s leading newspapers hope to have a page 3 story about her happy reunion with hubby dear … on the 27th floor..

    (Me): Is that where the hellikaafter lands?

    Sukumar: Maybe.. It would be a great setting for a reunion.. Wife ascends with bunch of keys tied to her pallu, all sweaty and anxious but relieved that she has kept the servants’ grimy hands off the prize crockery, while hubby dear descends all cool and calm on his chopper..
    UNQUOTE

    • shovonc
      August 11, 2012

      Thanks a ton. This adds a more cinematic element to the story. For any story, additional info is always welcome. Stupidity will eventually prevail!

  9. Danny Naicker
    August 13, 2012

    Mr Mukesh should have sent his wife to South Africa . We have a very beautiful picturesque place dotted with Hills and valleys that stretches for miles and miles, it is called a Valley of a thousand Hills, and it is said that it takes a person a month to explore each Hill and Valley. The Valley of a Thousand hills is situated about 50 KM form the East coast of Natal .Igine her getting lost in the Valley of in the Valley of a Thousand hills . One needs the entire Armed Forces, The navy and the air force to find her if she is lucky. Danny

    • shovonc
      August 14, 2012

      Sounds like a lovely place. It would be great if they both went and never came back, but that wouldn’t be fair to you.

      • Marina Sorciere
        August 14, 2012

        Not fair to anyone as I’d love to visit this South African wonder but NOT in the company of lowly oligarchs!

    • zubin
      October 10, 2012

      Arre bhai Danny! You not liking South Africa so much, that you will coll Reliance no Alliance there also? Say istraight away ne havve! Like this going round round why talking! You liking, we sending Mukesbhai ne Nitaben dher. You having a good time with them. Chalo Aavjo…Ha kay!

  10. parwatisingari
    August 15, 2012

    honey thats what reliance is all about. declare and hope things will work.

  11. butimbeautiful
    August 25, 2012

    That’s really disgusting. (And yet, I buy expensive face creams while there are homeless people around so I can’t be too outraged I guess) Good post!

  12. onceinabluemoon8312012
    August 31, 2012

    It’s the Big Furt of Mukesh-ji that’s doing the rounds round the globe in IDLE HEADS! Guess what will happen if a paleful of real SHIT drops from Mukesh-ji’s 21st floor, or worse, from the backseat of his hell-i-kapter if his wife’s fat belley demands some relief without having to compromise the pleasure of hovering in a craft that went high because his father farted in his half-empty stomach to save enough while working as a young gas station attendant in Yemen only a generation ago! But Mother Nature says, What goes up must come down, only to increase the population in the dirty slums by a few head counts. Who cares!

  13. Louisa's Writer
    September 4, 2012

    Great Post. Over here a Senator’s wife attacked him during a flight. Served him right for marrying someone young enough to be his Granddaughter – keep it up.

  14. Barb Drummond
    September 5, 2012

    Love this. Some people don’t know when enough is enough. You have a new follower.

    • shovonc
      September 6, 2012

      Thanks. Rest well and get back soon.

  15. Louisa's Writer
    September 7, 2012

    Very nice Satire, well done. Over here we have a Judge problem. Google ‘Judge Black men, internet porn’, and see whatr horros await. Once agin…nice job

    • shovonc
      September 9, 2012

      Thanks. Googled. I had no idea Winnipeg was so colourful.

  16. Md. Alsanda
    September 9, 2012

    Thank for passing by and the following.

  17. keeper @ chindia-alert
    September 21, 2012

    It’s a very good thing that the Ambanis do not live in the Winchester Mystery House – http://winchestermysteryhouse.com/thehouse.cfm

    According to Wikipedia: “The Winchester Mystery House is a well-known mansion in Northern California. It once was the personal residence of Sarah Winchester, the widow of gun magnate William Wirt Winchester. It was continuously under construction for 38 years and is reported to be haunted. It now serves as a tourist attraction. Under Winchester’s day-to-day guidance, its “from-the-ground-up” construction proceeded around the clock, without interruption, from 1884 until her death on September 5, 1922, at which time work immediately ceased.[2] The cost for such constant building has been estimated at about US $5.5 million[3] (if paid in 1922; this would be equivalent to over $71 million in 2010).[4]

    The Queen Anne Style Victorian mansion is renowned for its size and utter lack of any master building plan. According to popular belief, Winchester thought the house was haunted by the ghosts of the people who fell victim to Winchester rifles, and that only continuous construction would appease them. It is located at 525 South Winchester Blvd. in San Jose, California.[5]”

    Also: Unlike most homes of its era, this 160-room Victorian mansion had modern heating and sewer systems, gas lights that operated by pressing a button, three working elevators, and 47 fireplaces.

  18. Anushka
    September 26, 2012

    I was kind of feeling bored with work, so turned to Indiblogger where I stumbled upon your Blog on KFC closing in Pakistan and the aftermath and then I went on to read a few other Posts, I have been laughing all through and now I have this strange feeling that if I continue reading, I might be asked to go home for the day for laughing so much and disturbing those who “work”
    But Great job, Loved reading your blogs!! :)

    • shovonc
      September 26, 2012

      Thanks. And don’t worry. Laughter creates a good atmosphere in the office.

  19. Kathleen
    September 28, 2012

    What a story! No doubt his wife knew where she was–lost in a sea of wealth and privilege. I visited a high rise in Brazil that was surround by slums, and saw plenty of them in India, but this one is really over the top.

    • shovonc
      September 30, 2012

      So’s their house. Thanks for dropping by.

  20. V.K.G.B.
    October 6, 2012

    How did I miss out this blog for so long???? :-)

    Satire at its best. I am your new follower :-)

    • shovonc
      October 7, 2012

      Thanks. I’d lay out the welcome mat, but I’m too busy watching the news. It’s an embarrassment of riches.

  21. flyingbubbles
    October 11, 2012

    Hi Shovon. Love India Update. Thanks for stopping by my blog.

  22. Ridhi
    October 13, 2012

    A House of 27 Floors- just the most practical and modest thing in the world, Absolutely not blowing things out of proportion..A helipad is the most common thing nowadays…Whoever has ever heard of anything less than five floors per person its most essential to have at least that much space….If one had to stick to a budget he might buy a house like this….They have done so much with so little….Its bad economy these days we all must make ends meet….poor souls my heart goes out to them……I am tearing up, What a monstrous world is this where hard working individuals cannot even have 30 floors- not even the comfort of a round figure!!!

  23. Divenita Er (@DivenitaEr)
    October 15, 2012

    LOL. Good one!
    Louu-ly blog:D!
    Thank you for dropping by Rough eBook!

  24. Srividhya Lalitha Srinivasan
    October 17, 2012

    Awesome writing!!!! :D :D

  25. yarnspinnerr
    January 24, 2013

    wonderful spoof. :-)

  26. Sohna
    June 27, 2013

    It is not really surrounded by slums. A quick google earth check can be made.

  27. シュプリーム バンズ
    November 15, 2013

    supreme 店舗

  28. Anita
    December 18, 2013

    Ha ha! And she was moving alone between floors because the entire posse of staff from the 13th to 17th floors had left en-masse to admit to misdeeds at the Gamdevi police station?

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