Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.
In news welcomed by supporters of women, Delhi Police has announced an innovative scheme to ensure their safety. The scheme was inspired by an equally innovative scheme which has been launched recently by the Bangalore Police. As per this scheme, genuine police personnel are being replaced by cardboard cut-outs. According to the senior Bangalore police officers, this has led to a significant drop in traffic violations, while leaving police free to pursue collections.
An additional benefit of this scheme is that all the cardboard policemen look exactly the same, leading to extensive freak-outs amongst the criminal classes, especially when drunk. “Bangalore Police now like Phantom,” said one of them, “Can be in many places at once.”
“Even BBC has praised this magnificent initiative by Bangalore Police,” said a Delhi Police spokesperson, “And we are unable to protect women, because 70% of Delhi Police is protecting VIPs. We cannot say anything to VIPs. Sometimes they slap us. Therefore, this could be a perfect solution. While waiting for autorickshaws etc, women can simply place the cutout in standing position next to them, thereby deterring evildoers. The cutout is lightweight, and very easy to carry. We are also developing a foldable version, which can fit into medium-to-large sized handbags.”
Ms Chitra Sen of Chittaranjan Park has expressed enthusiasm for this development.
“I always fancied a man with a bit of a belly,” she said, “Now I’ll have one all to myself.”