Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.
According to Section 377 of the IPC, oral sex is illegal, and you could receive a life sentence for indulging in an ‘unnatural sexual practice’. This explains why people go abroad on holiday so often, and also why many Goans are resentful, since it was OK for them till 1962. Sex with animals also comes under the purview of this section, so getting fresh with pets is inadvisable.
At the time this law was formulated, in 1860, a different queen was in charge of India. Her name was Victoria. She frowned deeply on sex, as a result of which the maximum penalty for an ‘unnatural sexual practice’ was fixed at life imprisonment. She had pushed for the death penalty, but she was convinced otherwise by her husband, Albert, who was very soft-hearted. In contrast, the maximum imprisonment for causing the death of a human being is two years, proving once more that love is much more powerful than death.
In fact, this richly detailed law makes most forms of sexual activity illegal. Consequently, we would strongly advise that you stick to the missionary position, which is a natural sexual practice, endorsed by missionaries.