INDIA UPDATE

Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.

WHEN WE PRICK CRIMINALS, DO THEY NOT BLEED, ASKS KAPIL SIBAL.


kapil-sibal-061211

In news that has led to a spontaneous Macarena outbreak in Tihar jail, Union Minister Kapil Sibal has announced that the government may appeal against the Supreme Court order disqualifying convicted criminals from parliament.

“This is unfair discrimination against criminals,” said Mr Sibal. “In the words of my fellow poet Shakespeare, are criminals not human? Does a criminal not have organs, and dimensions? Are they not fed with the same food, cooked in slightly better oil? Do they not have affections and passions, which we doth view regularly on Youtube? Are they not cooled by the same winter and heated by the same summer, and if so, must they not earn money to pay for the air-conditioning? If you take away their sand, do they not cry? If you shoot them with a country-made revolver, do they not bleed? If you try to take away their seats, just because they have been convicted, will I not move the Supreme Court on their behalf?”

After this speech, the Shakespeare Fanciers Collective of Lower Stratford, UK has agreed to fund all the expenses for this historic legal battle on behalf of criminals.

“We’ll give him as much money as he needs,” said the secretary of the SFC, who appeared to be very moved, “All he has to do is promise not to write poetry any more.”

For a nominal fee of less than Rs 400, read about a brighter future, where all criminals report directly to the Competent Authority. Click here.

 

Disclaimer : None of the above opinions are shared by publisher David Davidar, or anyone else at the Aleph Book Company. He and his associates are distinguished by their intense loyalty to the government, and their wholehearted support for every government initiative. In fact, if he finds out about this, will he not revenge?

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12 comments on “WHEN WE PRICK CRIMINALS, DO THEY NOT BLEED, ASKS KAPIL SIBAL.

  1. Kapil da Jawab Nahin….intention uske Kharab Nahin,…or Tihar Walon se leta koi Hisaab Nahin…( I will also stop writing poetry if I am paid :) )

  2. Vidur Vohra
    August 3, 2013

    I keep trying to rate this but it’s not accepting my rating. Maybe because it’s programmed to accept nothing less than 5…

    • Vidur Vohra
      August 3, 2013

      Oh! It finally relented.

    • shovonc
      August 5, 2013

      That’s a great idea. Must catch a programmer.

  3. Kya karara maraa hai janab!

  4. Louisa's Writer
    August 5, 2013

    Very good – as usual. Thank you.

  5. toemailer
    August 27, 2013

    lol :)

  6. curiousjournal
    September 17, 2013

    goodness gracious! Won’t call it Onion, this is green chilli! Jhaal! :)

  7. Harish Brahmanyapura
    May 24, 2014

    Shovon da, when will you weigh in on the elections and their aftermath?

    • shovonc
      May 29, 2014

      Well, I’m doing it on behalf of Uncle Manny. You could check out The Secret Diary of Manmohan Singh, Aged 88 3/4, on Newslaundry.

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This entry was posted on August 3, 2013 by in BREAKING NEWS!! and tagged , , , , .

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