INDIA UPDATE

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I WAS KIDNAPPED BY MOTHER DAIRY, EXPLAINS BUFFALO


Murrah_buffalo

In news that has been hailed by the Mental Patients Association of India, one of the recovered buffaloes in the Rampur Buffalo Mishap has now named the culprits.

“We are very relieved as we were being blamed,” said a spokesperson for the mental patients, “Everyone thought only a lunatic would try to steal property from Azam Khan. Police have been barging into asylums across UP and interrogating us. Sometimes they search under our beds.”

Readers will recall that Samajwadi Party heavyweight Azam Khan suffered bereavement soon after returning from his World Tour, when seven of his buffaloes were stolen from his palatial Rampur farmhouse by unknown evildoers. Thanks to prompt action by SP Sadhna Goswami, ASP Devesh Pandey, DSP Aley Hasan, and close to one hundred policemen from six different police stations, all seven of Mr Azam’s four-legged friends have now been recovered.

“We were popped into a milk van and whisked away,” said Bhagmati, senior-most of the buffaloes. “Because of the richness of our diets, our milk is of the highest quality. Mother Dairy was suffering losses due to excessive competition. They wanted their ice cream to be richer and creamier. Hence we were held hostage in an abandoned warehouse near Shehzadnagar and milked thoroughly. I cannot sufficiently express my gratitude to UP police for their prompt action.”

SP Goswami reacted with characteristic modesty. “Unlike the AAP, we are not racist,” she explained, “The complexion of the victims was a non-issue for us.”

Sources report that this may not be the end of the story, as two of the recovered buffaloes are suspected to be imposters.  A nationwide buffalo-hunt is being launched to find the actual escapees, involving RAW, CBI, the Intelligence Bureau, BSF, the Indo-Tibetan Border Force, NSG, Interpol, Scotland Yard and Angelina Jolie. Helicopters will also be deployed, as soon as they are delivered by Agusta Westland, as Mr. Khan has specified that only VIP helicopters should be used.

Speculation is rife as to their motives for disappearance.

“It could be that the buffaloes were apprehensive because of the law and order situation in UP, and chose to run away to somewhere safer, like Pakistan.” explained a CBI officer, on condition of anonymity, “Or they may have joined Mayawati.”

“The CBI is clueless, as usual,” said a spokesperson for RAW, “This was a simple case of mistaken identity. Terrorists were planning to kidnap Azam-ji, but due to poor evening visibility, they got confused.”

http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2014-02-03/lucknow/46962179_1_buffaloes-police-lines-police-officer

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13 comments on “I WAS KIDNAPPED BY MOTHER DAIRY, EXPLAINS BUFFALO

  1. travtrails
    February 5, 2014

    Cattle get more respect then humans

    • shovonc
      February 6, 2014

      That’s what I thought. The video below might cheer you up, though.

  2. walkerjay
    February 5, 2014

    Cue: “Meri bhains ko danda kyun mara”

    • shovonc
      February 6, 2014

      Thanks. This is fabulous. The bhains is so cheerful.

  3. purbaray
    February 5, 2014

    In my next birth, I demand to be born as Azam jee’s buffalo.

    • shovonc
      February 6, 2014

      Good idea. I hear the food is awesome.

  4. kundli99
    February 14, 2014

    Great !!! out of Box ….!!!

  5. Debsoc NSIT
    March 11, 2014

    Dear Sir,

    Warm Greetings.

    This is Tushar Bhasin, writing to you on behalf of the Debating Society of Netaji Subhas Institute of Technology (NSIT), University of Delhi. It will be our honour to have you as a guest speaker and panelist for the Panel Discussion
    at Colloquium – the Debating and Literary Festival of NSIT, scheduled to be held on Friday, 28th March.

    This year’s Panel Discussion is centered around the theme:
    “Why so serious?”
    -Between lines and beyond the boundaries of humor.

    Thanking you,

    The Debating Society of NSIT
    debsoc.nsit@gmail.com

    Tushar Bhasin (9910004844)
    Secretary, Event Management
    Team Colloquium’14

  6. Rambler
    March 11, 2014

    Damn, and I thought there was the hand of communal saffron forces behind the kidnapping of buffaloes..

    • shovonc
      May 29, 2014

      The police haven’t ruled it out yet, although now that the BJP is in power. they probably will.

  7. longytv
    May 21, 2014

    Fabulous, Love the buffalo’s pic.

    • shovonc
      May 29, 2014

      Isn’t it? The face is what triggered the story.

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This entry was posted on February 5, 2014 by in BREAKING NEWS!! and tagged , , , , , .

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