INDIA UPDATE

Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.

MUSHARRAF GRANTED BAIL AFTER OFFER FROM BOLLYWOOD.


In news described as ‘uplifting’ by the Retired Dictators Welfare Association, former Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf has been granted a reprieve by the Pakistan Supreme Court. This was after an … Continue reading

April 18, 2013 · 6 Comments

Ask Uncle


  Dear Uncle, The candidates for prime minister are not to my liking. Is immigration a good option? Regards, Charandas Chaurasia, Varanasi   Dear Mr Chaurasia, There have been very few … Continue reading

April 10, 2013 · 6 Comments

KNOW YOUR HATS : MANIPUR


These prawn-shaped hats are worn by Manipuri royalty. Visiting royalty may also wear them. No one knows why they look like prawns. Manipur is nowhere near the sea. According to … Continue reading

April 6, 2013 · 4 Comments

AJIT PAWAR TO PERSONALLY IRRIGATE MAHARASHTRA


In news that has been welcomed by supporters of organic farming, Maharashtra Deputy Prime Minister Ajit Pawar has announced that he will be touring drought-affected regions of Maharashtra, in order … Continue reading

April 5, 2013 · 13 Comments

TOYOTA ANNOUNCES SCHEME FOR POOR PEOPLE


In news that has horrified Montek Singh Ahluwalia, Toyota Motor Company has launched a special scheme for the underprivileged in India. All holders of the Below Poverty Line card will … Continue reading

April 3, 2013 · 9 Comments

DELHI POLICE TO PROVIDE CARDBOARD CUT-OUTS FOR WOMEN


In news welcomed by supporters of women, Delhi Police has announced an innovative scheme to ensure their safety. The scheme was inspired by an equally innovative scheme which has been … Continue reading

March 25, 2013 · 2 Comments

Pome of the Day


Stitching I stitch myself together I use the needle well It hurts, I scream I hide the seams So nobody can tell

March 22, 2013 · 4 Comments

AFTER SUCCESSFUL TEST OF SUBMARINE MISSILE, INDIA CONSIDERS SUBMARINE PURCHASE


In news hailed by ammunition manufacturers worldwide, India has successfully tested the 290 Km Brahmos supersonic underwater cruise missile. A jubilant scientist announced that “this was the first time a … Continue reading

March 21, 2013 · 6 Comments

KNOW YOUR LAWS : Section 66A, Information Technology Act


The Information Technology Act was put together after the Government of India discovered the internets in the year 2000. They had suspected its existence for some time, but it was … Continue reading

March 18, 2013 · 10 Comments

KNOW YOUR LAWS : Section 197, CrPC, ‘Prosecution of a Public Servant’


Twenty-six years after Independence, it was noticed that public servants in India were getting very demoralised. “How can we work like this,” they said, “With the constant threat of prosecution … Continue reading

March 5, 2013 · 3 Comments

CBI NARROWLY AVOIDS SOLVING JEEP SCAM OF 1948


In news that has been described as ‘unprecedented in the history of Indian law enforcement’, the Central Bureau of Investigation has narrowly avoided solving the Jeep Scam of 1948.  Disaster … Continue reading

February 19, 2013 · 8 Comments

‘DARE TO THINK BEYOND FREE SPEECH’, SAYS MANAGEMENT GURU


In news that we cannot mock, as per the law, legendary management school IIPM has changed its slogan from ‘Dare to think beyond IIMs’ to ‘Dare to think beyond free … Continue reading

February 16, 2013 · 8 Comments

GOVERNMENT TO EXECUTE PEOPLE WITHOUT SPECTACLES


In news that has given a fillip to the rope manufacturing industry, the government has announced a packed schedule of executions in the run-up to the elections. “Afzal Guru had … Continue reading

February 12, 2013 · 8 Comments

NATIONAL ANTHEM TO BE REVISED TO INCLUDE SPAGHETTI


In news welcomed by food lovers, the government announced today that the national anthem will be revised to include a reference to spaghetti. In order to preserve authenticity, the revision … Continue reading

February 2, 2013 · 4 Comments

INFOSYS ENTERS ONION BUSINESS


In news described as ‘tear-jerking’ by the Wall Street Journal, Indian software giant Infosys has announced that it will henceforth be focusing on the onion business. “We were looking for … Continue reading

January 31, 2013 · 5 Comments

RUPEE SLIDE ARRESTED AFTER VADRA OPENS BUSINESS SCHOOL


In news that has led to widespread panic in Harvard Business School, legendary entrepreneur Robert Vadra has announced the opening of the Vadra School of Management, based in Haryana. Its … Continue reading

January 30, 2013 · 2 Comments

PARLIAMENT APPROVES QUOTA SYSTEM FOR INDIAN IDOL


In a move aimed at ending thousands of years of musical discrimination, the Lok Sabha has passed a motion demanding caste-based quotas on Indian Idol. “Due to the domination of … Continue reading

January 28, 2013 · 3 Comments

MADAME TUSSAUD DEMANDS RETURN OF DUMMY.


In news that has led to further deterioration in Indo-British relations, Madam Tussaud’s has demanded immediate return of the waxwork dummy of Manmohan Singh, supplied to the Government of India … Continue reading

January 28, 2013 · 7 Comments

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