Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.
In a move warmly endorsed by the Saudi Royal Family, the Kashmir branch of the Jamaat-e-Islami has proposed public stoning of non-Muslim tourists in Kashmir. Disturbed by the revival of the Kashmir economy through tourism, the Jamaat has suggested that action be taken without further delay. Last years army of stone throwers will be recruited for the purpose, said spokesperson Mullah Nasiruddin, ‘as their aim must be pretty good by now’.
In related news, separatist leader and eminent nonagerian Syed Ali Shah Geelani was spotted distributing leaflets for holidays in the scenic Swat Valley of Pakistan. “It’s a wonderful place to refresh your soul,” said Geelani, “So long as you don’t like singing.”