Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.
Appalled by the rising price of vegetables, hungry scientists at the S.N. Bose Institute for Unusual Discoveries have found a unique application of the Higgs-Boson particle. Munching on a prawn cutlet provided by your correspondent, Professor Satish Chandra Bose explained the underlying principle.
“Extraction of Higgs-Boson particles reduces the mass of an object. Injection increases it. Amongst human beings, there is a wide disparity of body mass. We propose the use of Higgins-Boson Extractors to transfer particles from fat people to thin people. The beauty of it is that donors can regain lost particles by consuming plenty of saturated fats. The cycle can then repeat itself. Six to eight weeks should be sufficient to eradicate world hunger.”
In related news, the Health Ministry has announced the launch of a public awareness campaign, urging responsible citizens to eat more, with the tagline, ‘Get your Boson!’