Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.
Traffic in Bangalore was severely disrupted this morning, after a queue of eager mental health professionals formed outside the residence of airline and liquor magnate Vijay Mallya. Mr. Mallya has admitted to deep depression, caused by employees of Kingfisher Airlines, who have gone on strike demanding their salaries. Due to certain financial constraints, the airline has been unable to pay them since March.
“I am so shocked at their attitude that I spent the whole of last night pacing up and down in front of my mansion in Goa,” said Mr. Mallya, who has often been called ‘India’s Richard Branson’, despite objections from Mr. Branson. “I told all the super models to stop frolicking and go away.”
“For the company to emerge triumphant, all of us have to make sacrifices. I am deeply disturbed by the disloyalty of my employees. My mental condition is such that I may not be able to run Kingfisher properly.”
Sources indicate that Mr. Mallya will continue to not pay salaries, in the hope that this might cheer him up, but experts remain dubious.
“First, all the papers called him an idiot. Then, his son got ditched by a famous hottie. Now, his employees have stabbed him in the back. He needs help from a trained professional,” said one of them. “Otherwise he might end up drinking.”