Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.
Deceased Italian dictator Benito Mussolini is rumoured to have been in the vicinity of Race Course Road yesterday afternoon, as valiant police officers fought to protect Sonia Gandhi from hordes of unarmed members of the public, many of whom had posters.
Eyewitnesses report seeing a pale, pudgy person requesting passers-by for pasta. “Only members of the Congress Party could understand what he was saying, as he was speaking in Italian.” said one of them, “They polished his shoes, and his belt buckle, but as far as I could see, none of them gave him any pasta. Although dead, he seemed to be in high spirits. He got very excited when they switched on the water cannons.”
“This is not the first time such a thing has happened,” said reputed parapsychologist Sudeep Kumar Kundu. “If something very exciting happens on earth, the spirits of the departed can re-materialise. The first thing I saw after winning the lottery was my mother-in-law, and she had been dead for seven years. I believe Amitabh Bachhan’s father also comes back often, and beats him over the head with a stick, but luckily it keeps passing through him.”
Congress spokesperson Manish Tiwari was kind enough to translate some of the dictator’s statements. “Grandpa is very happy to be in India,” he said, “He wanted to borrow the Indian Army, but we have asked him to wait. If unarmed members of the public continue to terrorise madam like this, we may need them in Delhi.”