GOVERNMENT PROHIBITS COLGATE ADVERTISING.

In a move which has caused an unprecedented admission rush in dental colleges, the government today has banned Colgate from all forms of advertising.

This was in response to public demands for action in the ‘Coalgate’ scandal, in which the Prime Minister distributed large quantities of coal to deserving persons. The PM has maintained a dignified silence on the issue. The government has denied that this is because he is actually an experimental robot manufactured by Honda.

“The Prime Minister is too hurt to say anything,” explained a PMO spokesperson, “This is hampering government activity. We have no idea what madam wants. Swift action was required.”

In a demonstration of solidarity, most Congress MPs have stopped brushing their teeth, while a few said they were having their teeth removed entirely, ‘as we can afford to get someone else to chew for us’. Former Coal Minister Subodh Kant Sahai is having his brother’s teeth removed. In a symbolic gesture, several older party members have immolated their dentures at Jantar Mantar, where their extremely high alcohol content led to an unexpected conflagration.

Proctor & Gamble has expressed satisfaction at the move.

“We told them repeatedly not to name their product after a mineral, but they were, like, don’t be so phonetic,” said a source. “That’s why we checked very carefully before calling ours Pepsodent.”