Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.
According to this law, anyone who commits the crime of criminal intimidation gets between two to seven years in jail. This means that it is illegal to threaten people. In case you are annoyed, and feel like threatening someone, please check the exempted list. This law does not apply to the following people:
1) The Law Minister
2) All members of the Gandhi family, and people who closely resemble them.
3) Leaders of Hindu, Muslim, Sikh or Christian political parties. Buddhists are not exempt, which is why the President of Sri Lanka rarely visits India.
Assuming you are not particularly religious, and have no acting skills, this leaves you with the options of either a) becoming the Law Minister, or b) becoming a member of the Gandhi family. In case you chose b), the only available candidate is Rahul Gandhi. At this point you have to look in the mirror and ask yourself, how far am I willing to go with this? If you would rather become the Law Minister, please take this simple quiz :
Q1) Does Sonia Gandhi have one lump of sugar with her morning tea, or two?
Q2) Robert Vadra has just had a long, sweaty session at the gym. His muscles are glistening in the pale winter sun. He glances at you, briefly. He tosses you his jock strap. How long will you take to wash it?
Q3) What is your position on fruit?
Please submit your answer scripts in an envelope marked ‘Application for position of Law Minister’ to the Legal Advice Department, India Update. We will forward the same to the Competent Authority.
Who knows? If fortune smiles on you, soon you too could be criminally intimidating people, without attracting any action under Section 506 of the Indian Penal Code (1860).