Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.
In developments that have cast a shadow over Indo-Japanese relations, the Prime Minister’s office has blamed Honda for his two-minute speech debacle. This was after the PM mumbled meaninglessly for two minutes, in response to three days of nationwide agitation over crimes against women, before shutting down for routine maintenance.
“The earlier model was much better,” said a PMO spokesperson, “It used to sign files very smoothly. But this one has been giving trouble since the beginning. The volume control is defective. Sometimes it automatically goes on ‘mute’. Even when it speaks, the battery drains very quickly, leading to complete system failure. This is very inconvenient. Sometimes weeks pass before anyone realizes. It only wakes up when you say ‘Foreign Direct Investment’. Nobody knows why. The spinal cord is very weak. We have to prop it up from behind with a small umbrella. However, when it comes to locating and fetching slippers, or pouring cups of tea, it still functions brilliantly. Honda cars have been unreliable for some time. Now it seems even their prime ministers are not being constructed properly.”
Honda has denied that this is because the prototype for this model was originally designed to be a butler. “Indian working conditions are extremely demanding,” said Mr. Honda, “None of the others have to sign so many files. Remote control usage is very heavy. Plus someone has been feeding it spaghetti bolognaise, which is a strict no-no.”
The Prime Minister’s Office has expressed sympathy for the nation. “We know how eagerly everyone waits for the PMs speeches,” said the PMO, “But until this battery issue is resolved, all speeches will have to be restricted to sixty seconds, and you may not be able to hear what he is saying.”