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GUJARAT GODMAN DENIES MASTURBATING WITH BOTH HANDS


vishwa-guru-param-pujya-sant-shri-asaramji-bapu1

In a move that has surprised deviants, revered Gujarat godman Asaram Bapu has denied that he uses both hands to masturbate.

The clarification became necessary since certain misguided elements have started spreading rumours to this effect. This was after he told his followers, “The victim is as guilty as her rapists. Can one hand clap? I don’t think so.”

A spokesman for the eminent guru took time off from molesting a child to issue a statement.

“The media is always maligning His Holiness, which is natural, as many of them are women. Actually he is very clean. See how many clean chits he is getting all the time. In 2009, he was given a clean chit in a case of attempted murder. In 2010, he was given a clean chit in the death of two young boys at his Ashram. It’s true that he did not get a clean chit in the land encroachment case, and had to return 67,000 square metres to villagers, but what is 67,000 square metres? All is maya.”

The revered ascetic also writes a column on spirituality and real estate for The Speaking Tree. Readers are encouraged to give him feedback at http://www.speakingtree.in/asarambapuji

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16 comments on “GUJARAT GODMAN DENIES MASTURBATING WITH BOTH HANDS

  1. neelkanth
    January 7, 2013

    Very interesting.

  2. C.
    January 7, 2013

    What an ass!

  3. Shitij Bagga
    January 7, 2013

    Will the government give him a clean chit on this too?

  4. flyingbubbles
    January 8, 2013

    Maya?! Grrr…

  5. SUDIPTA (PIKU) ROY
    January 8, 2013

    Asaram: “Speak hands for me”…..
    Nirbhaya: “Et tu Asaram, then fall Nirbhaya”….

  6. soni
    January 8, 2013

    He needs a clean chit on his ambidexterity…

  7. This Asaram is a pervert

  8. deepak kripal
    January 10, 2013

    he is a piece of shit to me..

  9. matheikal
    January 10, 2013

    Unfortunately our country is ‘blessed’ with so many perverts who call themselves gurus, godmen, etc.

  10. purbaray
    January 10, 2013

    That was WICKED!

  11. moderndayruth
    January 11, 2013

    Excellent! He is such a jerk, i was outraged by his comments! Holly man, my a**!!! I am going to click on the link you inserted – to see if i can leave such comment on his blog/column, he’s a disgrace for human race!

  12. Es Chris
    January 11, 2013

    Nein. I would prefer shaking my hands with Ricky ponting instead. 🙂

    Liked the satire.

  13. TangyTomatoTwist
    January 11, 2013

    and he still has followers ???!!! where are we heading to ?

  14. Dee
    January 12, 2013

    By the way, Speaking Tree has removed Asaram’s profile from it’s list of gurus.

  15. rahul joshi
    September 13, 2013

    he must be hanged naked in public !!

  16. raj
    March 5, 2015

    Asharam is an asshole. Infact everyone like him acting like saint are assholes. They are the greatest liars. They say this is all “maya” then ok yes this is all “maya” but we have to spend our whole life in this world and we have to work hard to live in this competitive world. And what such assholes give us anyway just few lies and some big lies and what we and government give is 1000000xxx of acre of lands 10000000000xxxxxx of crore rupees just for their ashrams and for what for fucking some girl in it. Their of crores and crores of people starving and homeless people have they ever thought about them. If such saints would give parts of their lands and money to such poor people then they would be called real saints not by just speaking some lies from over a stage. I say if this world is “maya” for us and we should not worry about our wealth then this world is “maya ” for them also. They shouldn’t be given any land or money. They should live a real saint life roaming in the streets or living in caves and mountains because as were the real and great saints of old times.

    Think people think about it.

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