Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.
In a move welcomed by Transparency International, the government today announced that henceforth, all government positions are to be filled through a process of auctions on e-Bay.
“Given the trade deficit with China, there was no other option,” said a Finance Ministry spokesperson, “We see a lot of unlocked value in this area. In the recent case, the concerned nephew could have charged much more, given the revenue potential of the position. In the online auction model, this type of human error will be eliminated.”
Does this mean nephews will be left out in the cold?
“All bona fide nephews will be minority stakeholders in a joint venture company,” said the spokesman, “They will benefit from the vast increase in total revenue. This process is also more democratic. Government positions will no longer be restricted to only those who know nephews. Even those who know other relatives can participate. In this way, the system will no longer be prejudiced in favour of deserving candidates.”
Reacting swiftly, several banks have announced loan schemes for undeserving candidates. Using this money, candidates will be able to place their bids online.
“I don’t know how to ride a cycle,” said Joginder Rathi, an unemployed youth from Sonepat, “But thanks to HDFC Bank, tomorrow I could be a senior officer in the Ministry of Surface Transport!”