Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.
Share prices of Japanese multinational Casio rose today post placement of a bulk order for calculators by India’s premier investigative agency, the Central Bureau of Investigation. The order was placed soon after the CBI dropped a five-year old disproportionate assets case against the family of politician Mulayam Singh Yadav, citing ‘simple arithmetical error’.
The CBI has denied that this is because they were trying to avoid complex errors.
“The mishap occurred due to the fact that our officers are unfamiliar with touch technology. Nowadays, everyone is using their phone to do calculations. The sums of money in this case were very large, and due to VIP involvement officers were perspiring a lot, so manipulating touch screens was not easy. We believe push button technology may address this issue. The CBI is always in the forefront of the investigative sciences, but in an environment where the coal ministry has not discovered computers, it is unfair to expect us to leap so far.”
In other news, a tall leader from Maharashtra has vowed to take stern action against malpractices in cricket, the CPI(M) has withdrawn from an election in West Bengal alleging ‘rigging by other people’, and RBI Governor Raghuram Rajan has promised to remain handsome for ‘as long as it takes to get the Indian economy back on track’. Meanwhile, a spokesman for the government has clarified that the government is not contemplating a ban on opinion polls.
“We’re not against opinion polls,” he said, “Just opinions.”