Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.
In a move aimed at ending thousands of years of musical discrimination, the Lok Sabha has passed a motion demanding caste-based quotas on Indian Idol.
“Due to the domination of certain communities,” said a representative of one of the others, “Generations of youth have never been mocked for their singing abilities. This bill redresses a historic wrong.”
“People say I sing like Lata,” said Ranchi-based Dilip Mahato, “But due to prejudice I am not getting any opportunity.”
This year’s Idol faces threats from a variety of quarters. The right-wing Hindu Vanar Sena has demanded the removal of the word ‘Idol’, citing ‘hurtfulness to Hindu sentiment’. The Laskar-e-Ujbook has warned the organisers not to mock anyone with a beard, and will launch swift terror attacks against anyone who mentions terrorism. Dalit icon Madam Mayawati has threatened to unleash the men hiding in her handbag if the top prize does not go to her community. The Bangalore chapter of the Poodle Fanciers Association of India has demanded that at least one of the top three contestants should be a bona fide poodle owner.
The process has been further complicated by national son-in-law Robert Vadra. Mr Vadra emerged from his gym, where he has been hiding since October, to demand that he should be declared this year’s Indian Idol.
“We offered him a special bodybuilding award, but he wants to sing,” said a spokesman for the show. “He also wants to be a judge. No one can explain to him why this would be a problem. We wanted management guru Rajat Gupta to help, but he’s not out on parole yet.”