Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.
In news described as ‘tear-jerking’ by the Wall Street Journal, Indian software giant Infosys has announced that it will henceforth be focusing on the onion business.
“We were looking for a business with higher profit margins and lower visa requirements,” said an Infosys spokesperson, “We will intervene at every stage of the supply chain, from cultivation to last-mile connectivity. We will apply big data principles to invent new paradigms, and competitively leverage existing synergies. The onion industry too will benefit, from better corporate governance, experienced team leads, and sprawling campuses, which can be used for cultivation. In a move aimed at retaining top talent, henceforth we will also be offering onions instead of the more traditional stock options.”
In related news, followers of Southern Supremo Jayalalitha have refused to provide their usual annual tribute of her body weight in onions.
“She has to go on a diet,” said a follower, “Loyalty can only go so far.”
Meanwhile, Reserve Bank Governor Raghuram Rajan, who continues to be handsome, has announced special interest rates on onion loans for the middle class. “I would like everyone to have a happy Diwali,” he said, “Provided their paperwork is in order.”
So would all of us here at India Update. Have a happy Diwali. Remember to hug someone you love.
This post is respectfully dedicated to the late, great Jaspal Bhatti, who did a lot of work in the field of onions.