Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.
In news that has been described as ‘unprecedented in the history of Indian law enforcement’, the Central Bureau of Investigation has narrowly avoided solving the Jeep Scam of 1948. Disaster was averted by prompt action on the part of the Director, CBI, who has been nominated for a gallantry award. Thanks to the Director’s intervention, the CBI’s unblemished record of never having solved a defense case since India became independent remains intact. The concerned officer has been transferred to the Andaman and Nicobar Islands.
“This mishap occurred due to the extreme youth of the investigating officer,” said the Director. “We are reviewing all our training practices. In areas such as misplacing of files, attitudes have become casual. In the Coalgate Scam, for example, only 20 files have disappeared. In our day, we would vanish entire filing cabinets. To make matters worse, just because the Coal Ministry is five minutes from our office, some files have reached us within six months. Luckily we cannot proceed without Xerox copies, and our requisition for a new Xerox machine is still pending. We have used up our existing budget on internet surveillance and lasagna. This should give us a few years to recover from the rush.”
The Jeep Scandal case was closed by the government in 1955, ignoring suggestions for a judicial inquiry made by the Ayyangar Committee, making it one of the first such committees to be ignored. However, in the absence of written instructions asking them to cease, the CBI has continued its investigations.
What next for the CBI in the Jeep Scandal Case?
“We have to interrogate the person who signed the deal,” said the Director, CBI. “There are rumours that he passed away in 1974, but we will need a Xerox copy of his death certificate.”