Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.
In news described as ‘highly encouraging’ by the Erectile Dysfunction Foundation, revered Godman Asaram Bapu has been appointed brand ambassador for vitality drug Baidyanath Vita-Ex, which promises improved married life. This was after the seer passed a potency test at the Jodhpur police station, post his arrest on suspicion of rape. The beloved religious leader had previously claimed innocence on the grounds that he was too old to perform sexual activity. His instant response to manual stimulus has surprised many, particularly the person who was providing the stimulus. The concerned officer has been nominated for the President’s Gallantry Award for ‘devotion beyond the call of duty.’
“After seeing Baba’s performance, the decision was unanimous,” said a representative of Baidyanath. “Here was an old man of over seventy, suffering from severe stress and strain, on the run from the law, being shouted at by Arnab constantly, surrounded by policemen, standing at night in a police station, his whole brain screaming at him ‘Don’t get it up, don’t get it up’ – yet still he was able to perform. We wanted to strike a package deal, whereby he would not only appear in our ads, but also satisfy dissatisfied customers, but they were unwilling to come to prison during visiting hours.”
The news was welcomed by Latika Kumar, housewife, 42, of Punjabi Bagh. “It should be a lesson for men across the country,” she said, “Next time my husband comes home and says he is tired from a hard day at the office, I will tell him, look at our divine Baba, do you think he gives excuses like this?”
In related news, Asaram’s son has reacted negatively to the announcement.
“It’s not true that my father is seventy two years old. Actually he is fifteen. We will be applying for trial as a minor,” he said, “It’s just that he is unusually hairy for his age.”
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