Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.
In news that has relieved lovers of money everywhere, legendary investment guru Warren Buffet has announced that the search for his successor is finally over. New Delhi-based entrepreneur Robert Vadra, son-in-law of Indian Supremo Sonia Gandhi, will soon be taking over as head of Berkshire Hathaway.
“Despite an extremely rigorous gym schedule, this extraordinary young man has become a billionaire in just four years,” said the Sage of Omaha. “Not only did he convince real estate giant DLF to give him an entire suburb of Delhi at throwaway prices, he also got them to lend him the money, interest free. My sources inform me that he is also acquiring two or three other Indian states, but he’s too modest to talk about these things.”
Members of Sonia Gandhi’s domestic staff have welcomed the move.
“I kiss his boots on a regular basis,” said Law Minister Salman Khurshid, “It’s amazing how smooth he keeps the leather.”
“He’s extremely dynamic,” said baggage-handler Manish Tewari. “When I carry his bags at the airport, I can barely keep up. And it’s not just because he doesn’t have to go through security.”
DLF has rubbished allegations of corruption, and maintains that all dealings have been completely transparent.
“We did everything very openly,” said a spokesperson for DLF. “There is no question of favouritism. We are committed to providing the same benefits to anyone who marries Priyanka Gandhi.”
Others have also earmarked Vadra for international glory.
“Let me just get through this election,” said US President Barack Obama. “If I win, I’m going to use this man’s help to revive the US economy.”