Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.
In news which has been condemned by Michelle Obama, the Indian foreign ministry has confirmed that it’s acts of retaliation against US diplomats will continue until President Obama shaves his head. This is just the latest salvo in a diplomatic war triggered by the arrest of the Kargil War Widow, whose heroic husband made the supreme sacrifice for the nation, but was mysteriously brought back to life in 1999 after inhaling some Chateau Lafitte 1963. He has subsequently retired from the army and is currently a wine fancier in California.
Retaliatory measures have included making US diplomats stand in line at airports, cutting off supplies of duty free liquor, and stricter enforcement of traffic rules. The Delhi Police is currently conducting an in-depth study to understand how to cause more traffic jams on the roads approaching the US embassy. Other planned retaliatory measures include not liking posts on Facebook, cavity searches at multiplexes, and a poetry tour of the US by Union Minister Kapil Sibal.
Foreign Minister Salman Khurshid took time off from the disabled to once more register his protest. “It was terrible, we are unhappy, I was shocked,” he said, “Also Sonia Gandhi.”
The Indian government has been forced to escalate after the US judicial system joined the conspiracy against the war widow, and denied her a 30-day delay, ‘because she needed some extra time’.
“Just like that, they said no. Apparently we have to give some reason to postpone court proceedings,” said the father of the victim, who is yet to fulfill his promise of fasting unto death. “The US must know that their barbaric legal practices cannot be applied to Indian citizens.”
While the fight for national prestige continues, will anyone be able to do anything about the two hundred and fifty Tamil fishermen who have been thrown in jail by Sri Lanka?
“That falls under the jurisdiction of the Indian Navy,” said a member of the foreign service, “But currently they are busy planning the amphibious attack on Washington.”