GOVERNMENT TO EXECUTE PEOPLE WITHOUT SPECTACLES

In news that has given a fillip to the rope manufacturing industry, the government has announced a packed schedule of executions in the run-up to the elections.

“Afzal Guru had a beard,” said a government spokesperson, who was clean-shaven. “He was executed after eight years to demonstrate that we are not pandering to people with beards. However, someone has pointed out that he also used to wear spectacles. This conveys the impression that the government is against bespectacled people. We will prove otherwise by executing a person without spectacles in the near future.”

Afzal Guru was also a short person. Does this indicate that the government is likely to take a stronger stand against the vertically challenged?

“Nothing could be further from the truth,” said the spokesperson. “The votes of short people are very precious to us. We are measuring the inmates on death row. Rest assured that some of the taller ones will be executed very soon.”