NINETY SEVEN TRIBAL YOUTH FROM GADCHIROLI BEAT UP HOME MINISTER

In what analysts have described as a ‘terrible setback for VIP security’, ninety seven tribal youth infiltrated the Home Ministry early this morning, and administered a sound thrashing to Home Minister Sushil Kumar Shinde. This was after Mr Shinde explained the government’s lack of response to recent protests by saying, “If tomorrow hundred adivasis are killed in Gadchiroli or Chattisgarh, should the government go there? No.”

In response, a group of tribal youths took the train to Delhi immediately. “There were originally one hundred of us,” said a tribal youth, “But three of us were arrested as suspected Maoists. This is absolutely untrue. None of us are Maoists. We can’t afford the uniforms.”

The Home Minister is currently having balm applied to his forehead by Sonia Gandhi. She had earlier promoted Shinde, as a reward for seven years of outstanding work at the power ministry, culminating in a complete collapse of the Northern India grid. She is considering transferring him back, as the tribal youth will find it harder to find him in the dark. Meanwhile, doctors have described his prognosis as ‘extremely robust.’

“Although he was beaten severely, he has recovered with remarkable speed,” said one of them. “We suspect this not the first time he has been beaten up by members of the public.”