INDIA UPDATE

Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.

INDIAN CRICKETERS TO PLAY IN THE NUDE


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In news that has evoked mixed reactions from women, the Board of Cricket Control of India has announced that Indian players will no longer be allowed to wear clothing while a match is in progress. This was after it was revealed that several players have been signaling bookies by stuffing towels into their pants.

Legendary batsman Sachin Tendulkar has announced his immediate retirement from all forms of the game. Film star team-owner Preity Zinta has announced that she will no longer be hugging players who perform well, while film star team-owner Shahrukh Khan has raised ticket prices at Eden Gardens and made himself a permanent member of the playing XI. Chennai Super Kings have hired former porn star Sunny Leone as wicketkeeper. Super Kings captain M.S. Dhoni has indicated that he will henceforth occupy the forward short leg position, in order to monitor her performance. Prominent Muslim leaders have dubbed the move ‘un-Islamic’, the RSS has termed it ‘anti-Hindu’, and the Catholic Church has requested BCCI to extend the dress-code to school cricket. Members of the Buddhist clergy have endorsed the move, so long as no Tamils are exposed. The Samajwadi Party has demanded that all members of the team who belong to Ordinary Backward Castes should be allowed to wear underwear, to compensate for centuries of discrimination. In an interview from a closet somewhere in South Mumbai, noted filmmaker Karan Johar has announced that his next film will be a searing expose of Indian cricket, shot mostly in slow motion.

In related news, the Australian Cricket Board has indefinitely postponed all forthcoming matches with India. “The Indian Board is constantly changing the rules, and we put up with it, because they have all the money,” said a spokesman, who was fully clothed, “But this is way too many balls on the cricket field.”

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16 comments on “INDIAN CRICKETERS TO PLAY IN THE NUDE

  1. yarnspinnerr
    May 28, 2013

    ha ha ha ….. exceptionally good as always.

  2. ZinalBhadra
    May 28, 2013

    you are the best

  3. Barb Drummond
    May 28, 2013

    How would they broadcast it? No slow-mo replays any more.

  4. Anindya Roychowdhury
    May 29, 2013

    If you ask Spike Milligan’s colleague, Gunner Eddington (?), one might still be able to innovate some creative signals.

  5. Bhaskar
    May 29, 2013

    The bookies would need to think of new ways to get the cricketers to send signals !! Can you think of new signalling techniques with this “un” dress code ?

  6. RP Kumar
    May 29, 2013

    “Too many balls on the field”?!? You totally went there. Oh my Lawrd.

  7. majaal
    May 29, 2013

    Ha ha excellent way to present the issue about which everyone is talking about these days. All the things you have written might happen for real as IPL is nothing more than a circus , there is no pride and passion related to it like its there in test cricket or World Cup. Players are performers here and they are being helped by glamorous cheer leaders , Bollywood actors and politicians.

  8. umashankar
    May 30, 2013

    “The Samajwadi Party has demanded that all members of the team who belong to Ordinary Backward Castes should be allowed to wear underwear, to compensate for centuries of discrimination.”

    It can’t get better than this!

  9. mpuppal
    May 30, 2013

    Interesting comic capers!

  10. anjan roy
    May 30, 2013

    Can’t breathe properly after reading…am out of breath

  11. Navin Mathew
    June 1, 2013

    Nice read! But you forgot Poonam Pandhey, Malika Sherawat, Sherlyn Chopra, Rakhi Sawant, and Priya Rai!

  12. Louisa's Writer
    June 3, 2013

    Howzat??

  13. butimbeautiful
    June 6, 2013

    another post that makes me smile! I’ve always wished footballers here would play in the nude, it’s the only thing that would make it worth watching sport on tv. For the laughs, mainly.

  14. magiceye
    June 11, 2013

    lol!! Perfect!!

  15. yagyeshl
    June 29, 2013

    xcellent !!!

    baixar musicas

  16. Crazy Motts
    July 9, 2013

    Awesome satire…here’s my views on the IPL spot fixing:

    http://crazymotts.blogspot.in/2013/06/how-cricket-boards-fooled-cricket-fan.html

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This entry was posted on May 28, 2013 by in BREAKING NEWS!!, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , .

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