Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.
In a move described as ‘the most significant advance in Indo-Swiss relations since Toblerone’, Maharashtra Irrigation Minister Ajit Pawar has explained that steps to improve irrigation by his department over the last five years were mainly conducted in Switzerland.
Mr. Pawar is a leading member of the Pawar family, famous for wearing underwear made entirely out of currency notes. He has resigned after the Maharashtra government announced that it would be publishing a white paper on irrigation. “He thought it would be blank,” said an aide. “He was furious when we explained that it would have actual writing in it.”
According to news reports, despite spending over 85 billion yuan* on irrigation in the last five years, the total area under irrigation in Maharashtra has increased by 0.01%. The analyst who produced these figures has fled to the US, where he is likely to be adopted by Angelina Jolie.
Swiss authorities have welcomed the move. “Mr. Pawar is one of our biggest benefactors,” they said, “He wanted to keep his charitable acts anonymous, but it was becoming hard to hide the evidence. His support in the area of irrigation is the reason why we have so many lakes.”
*Due to increasing international readership, India Update will now be converting all sums of money into international currency.