INDIA UPDATE

Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.

I WAS KIDNAPPED BY MOTHER DAIRY, EXPLAINS BUFFALO


In news that has been hailed by the Mental Patients Association of India, one of the recovered buffaloes in the Rampur Buffalo Mishap has now named the culprits. “We are … Continue reading

Featured · 10 Comments

OBAMA MUST SHAVE HEAD, DEMANDS FOREIGN MINISTRY


In news which has been condemned by Michelle Obama, the Indian foreign ministry has confirmed that it’s acts of retaliation against US diplomats will continue until President Obama shaves his … Continue reading

January 9, 2014 · Leave a comment

WARREN BUFFET HIRES SONIA GANDHI’S SON-IN-LAW


In news that has relieved lovers of money everywhere, legendary investment guru Warren Buffet has announced that the search for his successor is finally over. New Delhi-based entrepreneur Robert Vadra, … Continue reading

January 5, 2014 · 75 Comments

KNOW YOUR HATS : GANDHI CAP


The Gandhi cap was originally popularized by the original Gandhi, Mahatma. He acquired the habit in South African prison, where all non-white prisoners were expected to wear one, in order … Continue reading

January 4, 2014 · 7 Comments

USA VICTIMISES KARGIL WAR WIDOW


In news which the foreign ministry has described as ‘yet another crime against women’, the USA has been caught red-handed in the act of victimising a Kargil war widow. The … Continue reading

December 16, 2013 · 3 Comments

SUPREME COURT ASKS POLICE TO FIGHT CRIME


In news that the Criminal Welfare Association has characterised as ‘extremely unexpected’, the Supreme Court has ruled that it is now compulsory for the police to register all crimes which … Continue reading

November 14, 2013 · 2 Comments

Quickies


As part of the war on drugs, Noida Police announces random body cavity searches.

November 13, 2013 · Leave a comment

INFOSYS ENTERS ONION BUSINESS


In news described as ‘tear-jerking’ by the Wall Street Journal, Indian software giant Infosys has announced that it will henceforth be focusing on the onion business. “We were looking for … Continue reading

October 31, 2013 · 5 Comments

RAILWAY MINISTRY ANNOUNCES SPECIAL TRAIN FOR CRIMINALS


In developments hailed by the Italian mafia as ‘the greatest news since the invention of pasta’, the Railway Ministry has announced the immediate launch of ‘Prison-on-Wheels’, a special luxury train … Continue reading

September 25, 2013 · 7 Comments

CASIO SHARES RISE AFTER CBI ORDERS POCKET CALCULATORS


Share prices of Japanese multinational Casio rose today post placement of a bulk order for calculators by India’s premier investigative agency, the Central Bureau of Investigation. The order was placed … Continue reading

September 24, 2013 · Leave a comment

I MEANT CORRUPTION ON JUPITER, EXPLAINS RAHUL GANDHI


In a speech which his admirers described as ‘rivaled only by the one he gave last week’, Rahul Gandhi has impressed many by the depth of his passion against corruption. … Continue reading

September 24, 2013 · Leave a comment

GUJARAT GODMAN TO BE BRAND AMBASSADOR FOR BAIDYANATH VITA-EX


In news described as ‘highly encouraging’ by the Erectile Dysfunction Foundation, revered Godman Asaram Bapu has been appointed brand ambassador for vitality drug Baidyanath Vita-Ex, which promises improved married life. … Continue reading

September 3, 2013 · 8 Comments

WHEN WE PRICK CRIMINALS, DO THEY NOT BLEED, ASKS KAPIL SIBAL.


In news that has led to a spontaneous Macarena outbreak in Tihar jail, Union Minister Kapil Sibal has announced that the government may appeal against the Supreme Court order disqualifying … Continue reading

August 3, 2013 · 10 Comments

CHILD GIVES AWAY FATHER’S HARD-EARNED MONEY


In news that has been condemned by the Reserve Bank of India, Pappu Verma, 11, resident of Aurangzeb Road, has been caught red-handed after giving away his father’s hard-earned money. … Continue reading

July 16, 2013 · 7 Comments

KNOW YOUR LAWS : Indian Penal Code (1860), Section 377, ‘Unnatural Sex’


According to Section 377 of the IPC, oral sex is illegal, and you could receive a life sentence for indulging in an ‘unnatural sexual practice’.  This explains why people go … Continue reading

July 9, 2013 · 3 Comments

Quickies


Shri Sri Ravi Shankar advises an aspiring CBI candidate.

July 5, 2013 · 4 Comments

POLITICIAN LOSES HEAD WHILE FLAGGING OFF RELIEF TRAIN.


In what has been described as ‘crippling blow to relief coverage’, a local politician from Bulandshahr was fatally injured while flagging off a train filled with relief material for Uttarkhand. … Continue reading

July 4, 2013 · 6 Comments

INDIA TO CHARGE BRITAIN FOR OVERSTAYING TILL 1947


In news that has been condemned by the Delhi Gymkhana, the Indian government has announced that it will be charging the British government arrears in rent and visa fees for … Continue reading

June 26, 2013 · 82 Comments

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