INDIA UPDATE
Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.
INDIA’S RICHEST WOMAN REFUSES TO VACATE BUNGALOW, SAYS COAL FOUND IN GARDEN.
In news that has led to an upsurge in digging, the Punjab and Haryana High Court has ordered Savitri Jindal, India’s richest woman, to vacate her government bungalow. Mrs Jindal … Continue reading
SALMAN KHURSHID TO HELP DISABLED IN CHINA
In what a Chinese foreign ministry official has described as ‘a possible act of war’, Indian Foreign Minister Salman Khurshid has announced that he will be helping the disabled during … Continue reading
MUSHARRAF GRANTED BAIL AFTER OFFER FROM BOLLYWOOD.
In news described as ‘uplifting’ by the Retired Dictators Welfare Association, former Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf has been granted a reprieve by the Pakistan Supreme Court. This was after an … Continue reading
MAHARASHTRA LEADER BREAKS DROUGHT RELIEF FAST WITH 1000 LITRES OF WATER.
Residents of drought stricken Aurangabad rejoiced today, after prompt action by the government saved a local leader from death by starvation. Opposition heavyweight Gopinath Munde has been on indefinite hunger … Continue reading
Ask Uncle
Dear Uncle, The candidates for prime minister are not to my liking. Is immigration a good option? Regards, Charandas Chaurasia, Varanasi Dear Mr Chaurasia, There have been very few … Continue reading
KNOW YOUR HATS : MANIPUR
These prawn-shaped hats are worn by Manipuri royalty. Visiting royalty may also wear them. No one knows why they look like prawns. Manipur is nowhere near the sea. According to … Continue reading
AJIT PAWAR TO PERSONALLY IRRIGATE MAHARASHTRA
In news that has been welcomed by supporters of organic farming, Maharashtra Deputy Prime Minister Ajit Pawar has announced that he will be touring drought-affected regions of Maharashtra, in order … Continue reading
TOYOTA ANNOUNCES SCHEME FOR POOR PEOPLE
In news that has horrified Montek Singh Ahluwalia, Toyota Motor Company has launched a special scheme for the underprivileged in India. All holders of the Below Poverty Line card will … Continue reading
DELHI POLICE TO PROVIDE CARDBOARD CUT-OUTS FOR WOMEN
In news welcomed by supporters of women, Delhi Police has announced an innovative scheme to ensure their safety. The scheme was inspired by an equally innovative scheme which has been … Continue reading
Pome of the Day
Stitching I stitch myself together I use the needle well It hurts, I scream I hide the seams So nobody can tell
AFTER SUCCESSFUL TEST OF SUBMARINE MISSILE, INDIA CONSIDERS SUBMARINE PURCHASE
In news hailed by ammunition manufacturers worldwide, India has successfully tested the 290 Km Brahmos supersonic underwater cruise missile. A jubilant scientist announced that “this was the first time a … Continue reading
KNOW YOUR LAWS : Section 66A, Information Technology Act
The Information Technology Act was put together after the Government of India discovered the internets in the year 2000. They had suspected its existence for some time, but it was … Continue reading
CBI NARROWLY AVOIDS SOLVING JEEP SCAM OF 1948
In news that has been described as ‘unprecedented in the history of Indian law enforcement’, the Central Bureau of Investigation has narrowly avoided solving the Jeep Scam of 1948. Disaster … Continue reading
‘DARE TO THINK BEYOND FREE SPEECH’, SAYS MANAGEMENT GURU
In news that we cannot mock, as per the law, legendary management school IIPM has changed its slogan from ‘Dare to think beyond IIMs’ to ‘Dare to think beyond free … Continue reading
GOVERNMENT TO EXECUTE PEOPLE WITHOUT SPECTACLES
In news that has given a fillip to the rope manufacturing industry, the government has announced a packed schedule of executions in the run-up to the elections. “Afzal Guru had … Continue reading
NATIONAL ANTHEM TO BE REVISED TO INCLUDE SPAGHETTI
In news welcomed by food lovers, the government announced today that the national anthem will be revised to include a reference to spaghetti. In order to preserve authenticity, the revision … Continue reading
PARLIAMENT APPROVES QUOTA SYSTEM FOR INDIAN IDOL
In a move aimed at ending thousands of years of musical discrimination, the Lok Sabha has passed a motion demanding caste-based quotas on Indian Idol. “Due to the domination of … Continue reading
