INDIA UPDATE

Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.

UP GOVERNMENT ANNOUNCES MAJOR POLICE REFORMS


In a move which analysts have described as ‘a giant leap into the nineteenth century’, Uttar Pradesh Police will be issuing 800 bicycles to policemen in Lucknow, Kanpur, Allahabad, and … Continue reading

Featured · 8 Comments

I WAS KIDNAPPED BY MOTHER DAIRY, EXPLAINS BUFFALO


In news that has been hailed by the Mental Patients Association of India, one of the recovered buffaloes in the Rampur Buffalo Mishap has now named the culprits. “We are … Continue reading

February 5, 2014 · 13 Comments

OBAMA MUST SHAVE HEAD, DEMANDS FOREIGN MINISTRY


In news which has been condemned by Michelle Obama, the Indian foreign ministry has confirmed that it’s acts of retaliation against US diplomats will continue until President Obama shaves his … Continue reading

January 9, 2014 · Leave a comment

WARREN BUFFET HIRES SONIA GANDHI’S SON-IN-LAW


In news that has relieved lovers of money everywhere, legendary investment guru Warren Buffet has announced that the search for his successor is finally over. New Delhi-based entrepreneur Robert Vadra, … Continue reading

January 5, 2014 · 76 Comments

KNOW YOUR HATS : GANDHI CAP


The Gandhi cap was originally popularized by the original Gandhi, Mahatma. He acquired the habit in South African prison, where all non-white prisoners were expected to wear one, in order … Continue reading

January 4, 2014 · 7 Comments

USA VICTIMISES KARGIL WAR WIDOW


In news which the foreign ministry has described as ‘yet another crime against women’, the USA has been caught red-handed in the act of victimising a Kargil war widow. The … Continue reading

December 16, 2013 · 3 Comments

Quickies


As part of the war on drugs, Noida Police announces random body cavity searches.

November 13, 2013 · Leave a comment

RAILWAY MINISTRY ANNOUNCES SPECIAL TRAIN FOR CRIMINALS


In developments hailed by the Italian mafia as ‘the greatest news since the invention of pasta’, the Railway Ministry has announced the immediate launch of ‘Prison-on-Wheels’, a special luxury train … Continue reading

September 25, 2013 · 7 Comments

GUJARAT GODMAN TO BE BRAND AMBASSADOR FOR BAIDYANATH VITA-EX


In news described as ‘highly encouraging’ by the Erectile Dysfunction Foundation, revered Godman Asaram Bapu has been appointed brand ambassador for vitality drug Baidyanath Vita-Ex, which promises improved married life. … Continue reading

September 3, 2013 · 8 Comments

WHEN WE PRICK CRIMINALS, DO THEY NOT BLEED, ASKS KAPIL SIBAL.


In news that has led to a spontaneous Macarena outbreak in Tihar jail, Union Minister Kapil Sibal has announced that the government may appeal against the Supreme Court order disqualifying … Continue reading

August 3, 2013 · 12 Comments

CHILD GIVES AWAY FATHER’S HARD-EARNED MONEY


In news that has been condemned by the Reserve Bank of India, Pappu Verma, 11, resident of Aurangzeb Road, has been caught red-handed after giving away his father’s hard-earned money. … Continue reading

July 16, 2013 · 7 Comments

KNOW YOUR LAWS : Indian Penal Code (1860), Section 377, ‘Unnatural Sex’


According to Section 377 of the IPC, oral sex is illegal, and you could receive a life sentence for indulging in an ‘unnatural sexual practice’.  This explains why people go … Continue reading

July 9, 2013 · 3 Comments

Quickies


Shri Sri Ravi Shankar advises an aspiring CBI candidate.

July 5, 2013 · 4 Comments

POLITICIAN LOSES HEAD WHILE FLAGGING OFF RELIEF TRAIN.


In what has been described as ‘crippling blow to relief coverage’, a local politician from Bulandshahr was fatally injured while flagging off a train filled with relief material for Uttarkhand. … Continue reading

July 4, 2013 · 6 Comments

INDIA TO CHARGE BRITAIN FOR OVERSTAYING TILL 1947


In news that has been condemned by the Delhi Gymkhana, the Indian government has announced that it will be charging the British government arrears in rent and visa fees for … Continue reading

June 26, 2013 · 82 Comments

INDIAN CRICKETERS TO PLAY IN THE NUDE


In news that has evoked mixed reactions from women, the Board of Cricket Control of India has announced that Indian players will no longer be allowed to wear clothing while … Continue reading

May 28, 2013 · 16 Comments

Pome of the Day


BULLDOZING   Hey! Ho! The judge ride in. Boom! The house go down. He press the clutch With gentle touch Reverse for one more round Arrest that Patkar! Gaikwad too! … Continue reading

May 10, 2013 · 3 Comments

SALMAN KHURSHID TO HELP DISABLED IN CHINA


In what a Chinese foreign ministry official has described as ‘a possible act of war’, Indian Foreign Minister Salman Khurshid has announced that he will be helping the disabled during … Continue reading

April 26, 2013 · 11 Comments

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